Where The Heart Is
by Asshatry
Summary: Negan's wife has a work meeting and he spends Saturday with their daughter Emma. (SMUTT/FLUFF/ANGST)


I stood in front of the vanity mirror and looked at my reflection one last time. My dark hair was flowing down my shoulders and complimented the black blazer and matching dress pants. The light on my nightstand was barely illuminating my half of the the bedroom. I picked up the sterling silver earrings that were laying on top of the table and put them into my ears. The only sound was the soft breathing of my husband, sleeping behind me so peacefully. I hadn't dared wake him. Not yet.

I straightened the blazer again, but it wasn't in an attempt to make sure I looked good. I was nervous, and I didn't want to leave this room. I had a lot on my mind, and knew the moment I left the house I would have to face reality. I'd have given anything to just crawl back into bed next to the love of my life and drift back to sleep.

I sat on the edge of my side of the bed and started to put my heels on. The pressure from me sitting down on top of the mattress caused him to stir and sit up a bit. He rubbed his eyes and then opened them, looking up at me with a groggy smile.

"Morning, gorgeous," he murmured with a yawn, "Where are you off to today?"

I smiled down at him, while still putting on the heels.

"I have a required work meeting I have to attend," I said softly, looking away from him and down at my feet. I stood up from the bed and walked back to the mirror, looking for a necklace or any accessory I could continue to add. I didn't need it, I just didn't want to go.

"But it's Saturday," he groaned, leaning his head back onto his pillow.

"I know, but I shouldn't be out too late. I'll be back in time for dinner. You and Emma can have a father daughter day."  
I had been digging in one of the vanity drawers and didn't hear him stand up from the bed. I let out a short gasp as I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist from behind and pull me into a tall, warm hug. I could feel his bare chest against my back, and knew he was only wearing his boxers.

"Negan!" I giggled, trying to pull away from his grasp, but he held me tight. I shivered as he kissed down my neck. The familiar feel of him holding me in his arms was enough to make me melt like hot butter, but I had to get this done. I pulled away from his grasp as best I could and turned to face him.

"You're going to have to wait until tonight," I murmured and pushed him back a bit with my hand so I could move past him. He groaned, but let me continue getting ready. I grabbed my purse from a shelf and opened our bedroom door.

I walked out into the living room and looked over onto the couch where our daughter Emma was sitting. Her dark hair was a total mess; it was long and curly like mine, and her big hazel eyes were completely focused on the TV screen as if she was in a trance. Much like her father, she wasn't much of a morning person. She was still wearing her yellow and blue polka dot nightgown, and she was clutching onto a white baby blanket as she regarded the cartoons in complete fascination.

I picked up the coffee mug I had made much earlier that morning and took a long sip. I turned to look at the TV to see cartoon dogs flying around the screen. The bright colors flashed and Emma didn't even seem to blink.

I was still watching my daughter, when Negan came out of our bedroom wearing a pair of gray sweats and a white tee shirt. He walked over to the couch carefully, making sure not to step on the toys that were decorating the floor. He flopped down next to Emma and copied her; he too stared at the TV in a silent daze, still trying to wake up. I couldn't help but grin at the sight, and they both didn't even acknowledge me, or each other.

I set the mug in the sink and then stepped into the living room, heading over to the couch and going over to Emma. I pulled her towards me and kissed her forehead, feeling her struggle to keep watching the TV.

"Be good for daddy," I said, ruffling her messy hair. She didn't seem to notice, or even hear me. I turned to my husband who was looking at me with a smile, and I bent down. His lips met mine and before I could pull back, he was deepening the kiss. We held it for a few seconds, and when he finally pulled away, it was just enough so that his lips were still brushing up against mine to whisper "see you tonight."

Today couldn't possibly go fast enough.

* * *

That evening I drove home slowly, wanting so bad to be able to rush, but knew I couldn't. I stopped at a red light and glanced up at the rear view mirror and my reflection. I could see the tear streaks running down my face and my smudged makeup that was completely ruined. I looked away and tried to ignore what I was seeing. I knew I would have to give Negan an explanation, but didn't know what I would tell him.

I pulled into the driveway and parked, but didn't get out of the car right away. I took a few deep breaths and tried to calm my nerves. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back onto the car seat. I was scared to enter that house, but knew it was the source of all my happiness.

I finally built the courage to go inside. I closed the front door behind me and set my purse down on a desk. I could hear talking coming from the kitchen, and I followed the voices. A loud giggle rang out and echoed throughout the whole house. As I turned the corner, I saw my family.

Negan was standing at the stove in front of a frying pan, and Emma was across the kitchen at her own little toy kitchen set. She was wearing pink shorts and a white tee shirt with a teddy bear on it, and her messy black hair had been brushed. She had dragged out all her cooking toys and was mimicking Negan as they both "made dinner". Emma noticed I was home immediately and let out a high pitched shriek.

"Mommy!" she squealed, running over and throwing her arms around me as best as she could. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight, moving my face down and hoping Negan wouldn't see me just yet. He had also turned from the stove and was watching us. As I stood back up and looked at him, I knew he had noticed I had been crying.

"What the fuck happened?" he demanded, forgetting to watch his language around Emma, but I didn't rip into him for it like usual. I didn't want to argue today.

"It was just a really long, really frustrating meeting. I'm just happy to be home." I smiled at him reassuringly, and he walked through the kitchen and over to me. He pulled me into his arms and I hugged him back, hard. I felt the tears start to well up again, but I fought them with all my might. I didn't want him to let go, but there was food on the stove.

He went back to continue cooking and Emma tugged at my blazer.

"We're making dinner, mommy!" she explained, gesturing to the plastic food that was decorating the little toy stove and the kitchen floor.

"Emma's making dessert. I'm making tacos," he laughed, and I realized he was frying hamburger.

"Tacos sound really good," I said, picking up Emma and bringing her over to the kitchen table where her booster seat was. I set her down in front of her princess place-mat and once she was seated, I started to get kitchen plates down from the cabinets. Negan had already pulled out the taco shells, so I went into the fridge and pulled out the shredded lettuce and cheese.

We all sat down at the kitchen table and ate together. Emma told me what they had done all day, which was mostly watch cartoons and play with her toys. Negan told me they had tried to get some cleaning done, but Saturdays were never meant for cleaning. I smiled as they both talked, and ate without saying anything. That feeling of dread was almost completely gone as I listened to them.

After dinner, we all went into the living room and Negan put a movie on for Emma. I curled up onto the couch and she laid with me. My mind was in other places, and couldn't really focus on the animation, but it was the perfect way to get Emma to wind down. I ran my fingers through her long, dark hair, playing with it as my mind wandered. Negan sat in our large recliner chair and was leaning back with his eyes closed, probably worn out from chasing our daughter all day.

Bedtime came, and Negan carried off a giggling Emma towards her bedroom. I sat on the couch, not wanting to get up, but the sound of her laughter had me up on my feet in seconds. I didn't want to miss seeing that glee.

I ventured towards her bedroom and peeked my head around the corner to see Emma was now in her nightgown. She was sitting on the edge of her bed with Negan next to her, and he was holding a children's book in his hands. He was very expressive as he read, making faces and tickling her in between the pages. Emma would squeal in delight and flop backwards as he squeezed her sides.

The sight of them together had me feeling emotional for the umpteenth time, and I leaned against the wall and watched them unnoticed. Eventually, Emma leaned her head onto Negan and started to drift to sleep. I closed my eyes, wanting to savor the image in my head forever.

I turned away from the hallway and went into our bedroom, going over to the tissue box and pulling out a few sheets. I dabbed at my eyes, hoping Negan wouldn't notice. I threw the tissues away in my trash can and closed my eyes, trying to regain my composure. I was standing with my back to the door when I felt arms wrap around me, same as they had that morning.

He pulled my body back towards his and pressed his face into my hair, inhaling.

"You're a good daddy," I said, as his fingers started to slip the blazer off my arms.

"Oh baby, you don't know how good a daddy I am." Negan removed the blazer and then started to unbutton my blouse. I closed my eyes as his lips trailed down my neck and then stopped at the base where he sucked softly. He finished with the buttons and then grasped one of my breasts through my bra, squeezing with just enough force to make me whimper. That familiar heat was building inside me, and I moved my ass back into him a bit, making him moan. I turned to face him and smiled suggestively at him.

"Then show me, _daddy_ ," I purred. I pressed up against his chest and moved my mouth to his, kissing him hard. We had probably kissed a thousand times, and I still reveled in the taste of him. Our tongues explored each other's mouths as if it was the first time, like two horny teenagers who couldn't keep their hands off each other.

I gasped when he grabbed my ass and lifted me off my feet. He carried me over to the bed and laid me back carefully. I watched as he pulled off my pants in a hurry, and once they were off, I moved so my head was on the pillows. I watched him pull off his sweatpants and tee shirt, and as he did, I unhooked my bra and pulled my underwear off, desperate to be completely exposed for him. I was just laying back onto the pillows when he pulled down his boxers and I could see his full erection pointed at me.

Once we were both free of our clothes, he joined me on the bed and crawled over my body. I sat up a bit to meet his lips, and my hand travelled down until I found his hand, and laced my fingers through his, squeezing hard. He took my bottom lip into his mouth and bit softly, and then smiled against my mouth.

"Fuck.. I love you," he rasped out, and bit down again onto my lip. I arched my back up and my stomach brushed against his dick, making him groan loud.

He lined himself up and entered me with a slow thrust. I moaned against his mouth as he started a deliciously steady pace. I continued to squeeze his hand as he moved inside me. He gazed down at me in fixation, eyes so filled with passion and lust. We had made love more times than I could count, but there was something different about this—at least, it was different to me. He probably didn't notice, but there was a desperation in the way I rocked my hips, greeted his thrusts, and squeezed his hand.

I wanted to close my eyes and dissolve into pleasure, but I couldn't stop looking up at him as we moved together. His other hand trailed down to my hip and gripped it tightly, moving himself further inside. I could feel my muscles squeezing him tightly and smell our sweat blend together creating a familiar aura. As I listened to the sounds of our fervor, I felt my eyes start to water again in desperation, not wanting this to end.

We came together in a harmony of moans and grunts, and I squeezed his hand so hard, my knuckles turned white. I closed my eyes and clung to the high for as long as I could before I floated back down to earth. When I went to look up at Negan, I saw him grinning down at me, same as he always did after we finished. He collapsed on top of me purposely and then laid against my chest, panting.

I laughed in disbelief and tried to push him off me, but he wouldn't budge. His weight was pinning me down, and I wiggled beneath him, trapped.

"Negan!" I yelped, trying to move so I could at least be comfortable in this ridiculous position. He moved off me just a bit, but still kept part of his body over mine. He moved so his head was on his own pillow and he draped a leg over me and nuzzled against my neck.

"Lucille," he whispered in my ear, my name sounding so lovely on his lips, "let's have another kid."

I didn't know what to say to him, and I swallowed hard, feeling a pang of guilt in my stomach. He didn't wait for my answer, and was fast asleep in a few minutes. Negan had always been one to crash after a good fuck. I stared at his sleeping features, and felt myself start to cry. I snuggled into my sleeping husband and tried to calm my breathing, hoping he wouldn't wake up to find out what a mess I was.

I laid like that for a long time, not able to rest. I knew I would have to talk to him the next day, and tell him where I had really gone. I didn't want to. I was terrified of how he would react. I hadn't been so scared in my entire life, and not just because of how Negan would respond.

There was no meeting.

I had spent a good chunk of the day at the hospital, where my doctor confirmed what I had been in denial about for months. I was diagnosed with cancer and given a flimsy little pamphlet on dealing with chemotherapy. They said it was very advanced, and it was terminal. The chances of the chemo working were slim, and they said I needed to start making plans soon.

Knowing I was going to die was such a strange feeling.

I didn't want to face it. I was going to leave Negan and Emma, and there was nothing I could do. I wanted to watch Emma grow up into a woman. I wanted to be there for the teenage sass, the arguments, and the heartache. I wanted to be there when she became an adult to tell her how proud I was.

I wanted to give Negan the big family he always wanted, to grow old together, and watch his dark hair turn grey and his skin wrinkle.

I always thought I had years.

Now I had maybe a few months.

Tears streaked down my face as I pressed into Negan's sleeping body and clung to him tight, not wanting it to be real.

I wasn't afraid of dying. I was afraid he would feel like I was abandoning him and our daughter. He was so strong, but I knew this was going to kill him.

I would tell him tomorrow.

For now, in this tiny little moment in time, I would pretend everything was okay.


End file.
